The Zodiac Roast
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Ever wondered why your life is a mess? It is written in the stars.
Aries: the only sign that would actually try to box a microwave for
being too slow. Taurus will not leave their bed even if the house is literally
on fire. Comfort first. Geminis do not need friends. They have a
full social life just talking to the mirror. Cancers are so sensitive they will
cry at a commercial for dishwasher soap. It is just beautiful.
Leo does not walk into a room. They walk into their own personal
music video. Virgos spend three hours organizing their alphabetized spice rack by color,
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