Chapter One: Shaping a Human

Before we start, quick moment of silence for the bathroom break you thought

you’d get today. Gone. Like my nap. Sorry about that! Hi.

Dr. McBinky here. Certified baby. Board-certified genius. Expert in crying,

falling over, and forming lifelong brain pathways before breakfast. Now listen up,

big people — because this part is important and I don’t repeat myself unless I feel like it.

You think you’re “just teaching kids.” Cute. Adorable, actually.

But while you’re thinking, “Did anyone wash the paint brushes?” I’m over here like,

“Ah yes… my nervous system is being shaped permanantly and forever.” No pressure.