Christmas Adventures at UC Berkeley

Hi, double S, your GOAT is speaking. This semester, you were low-key

unemployed and griffed everyone's crib, but it's chill 'cause you low-kirk and nearly locked in

at the end. Good job for supplying twisty teas and geek bars for the JV basketball team.

High-key proud of you for hopping on the cuck method for your wife's bull.

During the break, you better grind Bird Game 3 on the brand-new Xbox 67. You can still have

your crown as the queen of croads, but your screen time will be dethroned by someone new.

As an owl main, you have my disapproval. As a hummingbird, though... Next semester,

you don't need to worry about things like internships 'cause you high-key gonna explain what