Duckpocalypse at the Mall

“So today I learned never to be helpful in public.” I was at the mall and saw this guy

struggling to carry a giant box. Like, wobbling, sweating,

doing the “I got it, I got it—no I don’t” dance. So I go up and say,

“Hey man, you need a hand?” He looks at me, super relieved, and says,

“Yes PLEASE. Just lift the bottom so it doesn’t open.” Cool. Easy.

I grab the bottom. It opens. A massive pile of rubber ducks spills across the floor.

Bright yellow ones. Pirate ducks. Vampire ducks. A duck dressed as Gordon Ramsay telling

me I’m an idiot sandwich. The guy just freezes and whispers, “…I told you not