Erasing Him to Escape Guilt

This is the part I’m most ashamed of. After I chose the safer guy,

I couldn’t face him. Not because I didn’t care. Because I cared

too much. Every time I saw him, I felt exposed. Like he could see

exactly what I’d done. So I erased him. I stopped replying. I avoided sitting

near him. I acted like he wasn’t there. When our club planned trips and dinners,

I told people, “Maybe don’t invite him this time.” That wasn’t an accident. That was a decision.

I told myself that if he disappeared, my choice wouldn’t feel wrong anymore. But every time we

crossed paths, he was still polite. Still calm. Still kind. I never apologized.