Five Seconds of Mercy

I killed my first patient at twenty six years old. Not through negligence. Through mercy.

She was coding for the third time that night. Ribs already cracked from compressions.

The attending was screaming continue but her eyes were begging me to stop. Her daughter had

left hours ago. Couldn't watch anymore. I looked at the monitor. Looked at her broken

body. And I hesitated. Just five seconds. Five seconds where I could have shocked

her back. The attending noticed. Grabbed the paddles himself. Too late.

She was gone. He reported me for freezing under pressure. I never told him the truth.

That sometimes the bravest thing a doctor can do is recognize when we're torturing someone