Hawaiian Punch Man on Campus

He woke up late in a rental car outside a dorm in Provo.

The left side of his neck went like a tiki bar went loco.

Doctor said, "Sir, you'll be fine," and then ran out of the

room. And now he's spraying fruit punch sideways like a lawn sprinkler of

doom. He's got a necktie made of gauze and a stain

he can't explain. Every time he sneezes once, there's a luau in the lane.

Gee, whiz, I hope these Utah college kids don't get their

shirts stained red. I swear it's just Hawaiian Punch. Not blood, not juice,