One Percent Phone Panic

Bro, why does my phone act brand new at 100%, but the second it

hits one percent, it starts moving like it's- 97 years old. Suddenly,

the screen doesn't register my touches. Apps open in- Slow motion. You were at five

percent two seconds ago talking crazy, and don't lie. One percent used to mean 15 minutes,

now one percent means immediate- Death. Blink wrong, phone gone.

Look at it too aggressively, shuts down. And the worst part? It gives you hope. You're like,

"Okay, I can send one text." You open Messages, keyboard loads, phone freezes.

Black screen. Got you there, didn't I?