Skibidi Syndrome National Emergency

Stop scrolling—the CDC just declared “Skibidi Syndrome” a national emergency. Symptoms: you only

speak in toilet-head GIFs, your attention span is 0.8 seconds, and you’ve watched

the same 7-second clip 847 times just to feel something. Doctors say the only cure is touching

grass, but Gen-Alpha replied, “What’s grass? Is that on the battle-pass?” Meanwhile the algorithm’s

speed-running your neurons like coins on a subway track. Share this to quarantine a friend,

or comment “flush” if the toilet already owns your brain.