Soapstone Lecture: A Surreal Encounter

bro i was minding my business chewing on a soapstone and suddenly i hear the minecraft villager

“hmm.” i look up and the rock in my hand starts TALKING like “subject? occasion?

audience?” 💀 i drop it but it floats mid-air like it’s doing a powerpoint. it starts listing:

speaker: a rock. occasion: me being dumb. audience: literally just my cat.

purpose: to gaslight me into failing english. subject: why i shouldn’t eat rocks.tone:

passive aggressive. next thing i know the soapstone morphs into a professor with crocs on and

tells me “mlk walked so i could roll.” bro i’m in tears. then boom. lights flicker.

shrek comes running again.