The Hard Life of Being a Baby

Listen, being a baby is not the dream job everyone thinks it is.

They treat my cheeks like bubble wrap at every family gathering. Zero personal space.

Then there's the floor food debate. Apparently exploring life through taste testing random carpet

crumbs is frowned upon. They say no to everything. No crawling near the stairs.

No touching the dog's tail. No investigating electrical outlets. Where's my freedom?

And don't get me started on tummy time. It's basically baby boot camp.

They expect me to enjoy face planting into a mat while they cheer like I'm climbing Everest.

I'm three months old, not training for the Olympics. My demands are simple.