The Washing Machine Mystery

I Thought My Neighbor Was Secretly Having Sex With the Washing Machine at 6 a.m. Every morning at

exactly 6:03 a.m., my neighbor’s washing machine goes off—and then come the sounds. Rhythmic thumping,

strained groans, aggressive shaking, and once, a very clear “YES!” It happened daily.

Same timing. Same long sigh at the end. I even heard him pat the washer like

it did a good job. I ran into him in the hallway once. He looked wrecked. I asked,

casually, if he was doing laundry early. He laughed too hard and said,

“Very… demanding laundry.” After the washer started literally walking across the

floor one morning, I left a polite note about the noise. He knocked on my door later,