Unlocking My Door With a Cheeto

I got so high I spent two hours trying to unlock my apartment with a Cheeto.

My roommate found me in the hallway whispering to the door like we were in couples therapy.

I kept saying the Cheeto was the key to our future together. She recorded the whole thing.

I was literally rubbing orange dust on the keyhole thinking it would magically open.

When she finally let me in, I looked at the Cheeto, looked at her,

and said this snack betrayed me. Then I ate it. The next morning she showed me the

video and I had zero memory of it. Now whenever I buy Cheetos she asks if I'm planning

another break in attempt.