Cheating on My Cholesterol
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She goes, “I know you’re cheating,” and I’m like “Wow okay, good morning to
you too,” she says, “Your phone is locked, silent, face down, and you suddenly
shower daily,” I say “Self-care,” she says “Don’t piss me off,” so she snatches my
phone like she’s about to file charges, scrolls, gasps, looks at me like
I ruined 10 years of marriage and goes, “So THIS is the bitch?” and I’m
sweating, heart racing, preparing my apology speech, when she reads the
name out loud — ‘Butter Chicken Combo – 30% OFF’ — and just stares, because apparently
I wasn’t cheating on my wife, I was cheating on my cholesterol, our savings account,
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