Cheating With Extra Cheese

One day My Wife says, “Be honest… are you cheating on me?” and I say,

“Wow, straight to murder questions,” she says, “Then why is your

phone always face down?” I say, “Privacy,” she says, “Bullshit,” I say, “Okay fine,

I panicked,” she grabs my phone like an FBI agent, scrolls for two seconds,

freezes, looks at me dead serious and goes, “So you’ve been sneaking around…

hiding notifications… deleting history… just to flirt with a woman named Extra Cheese?” because

apparently I wasn’t cheating on my wife, I was cheating on our diet, our budget,

and my own damn dignity for midnight pizza like a grown man with zero self-control and maximum audacity.