Escaped Lobster Takes Kitchen Hostage
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My roommate tried to microwave a whole ass lobster still alive and the fucking thing escaped.
This crustacean bastard is now holding our kitchen hostage with its claws. We called 911 and
they hung up on us twice. My cat's negotiating a peace treaty. The lobster's demanding
butter and a formal apology. We've barricaded ourselves in the bathroom.
I can hear it clicking around out there like some kind of seafood demon. Pretty sure it just
ordered DoorDash on my phone. This is the worst Tuesday ever and I'm never going
to Red Lobster again.
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