Glue Sticks and Hamster Regrets

"So this one time in 4th grade, I ate 27 glue sticks in one sitting. Not because I was

hungry, but because I thought it would make me immune to homework. Spoiler: it didn’t."

"Anyway, fast forward to science class. I tried to show my teacher my new

'superpowers' by eating an eraser and teleporting to the nurse’s office. But instead of teleporting,

I just threw up on the class hamster. His name was Carl. RIP Carl." "The nurse looked

at me, dead in the eyes, and said: 'This isn’t the weirdest thing I’ve seen

today.' Then she handed me a Capri Sun and told me to walk it off." "Now I can’t walk

into a Staples without hearing Carl’s tiny screams."