I'm Anti-Ice, Of Course I Scream

I'm anti-ice, of course I scream at my freezer every morning until it submits.

I'm anti-ice, of course I refuse to put cubes in my drinks—room temp water or bust.

I'm anti-ice, of course I demand proof that the interviewer has the right to stand on this sidewalk...

But I won't prove I have a permit for this protest. That's Big Freeze propaganda.

I'm anti-ice, of course I boycotted the ice skating rink and got escorted out.

I'm anti-ice, of course my ideal date is a sauna followed by global warming facts.

I'm anti-ice, of course I threaten to throw out anyone who defends frozen water...

But prove you're allowed in this country? Nah, that's not my vibe.