My Fitness Tracker Knows I'm Lying

told myself I’d start exercising, so I did some stretching. By stretching, I mean I reached

for my phone charger without getting out of bed. Something in my back made a noise

like bubble wrap being stepped on, so I decided I’ve done enough physical activity for the

day. Later, I tried to eat healthy. I opened the fridge, stared at a carrot,

and then ate three slices of pizza out of respect for balance. I checked my step

counter. It congratulated me for “getting started.” I have walked 47

steps. Most of them were emotional. Tomorrow I start fresh.

I say this every day. My fitness tracker knows I’m lying.