Old-Lady Drug Money Theory

My house was broken into and the sheriff’s theory was... old-lady drug money. I wish

I were joking. I tell him the lock was definitely locked, the window was definitely broken.

He shrugs and says the lock was old. I ask about fingerprints or photos and he says,

“This isn’t CSI.” Then he decides it was probably someone searching for

cash because “old ladies hide money.” My aunt wasn’t running a cartel out of her

spice cabinet, but okay. Then he hits me with, “Funny how trouble

follows you.” Um, yeah,