Pronouncing My Father Dead as an Intern

I pronounced my own father dead at 3 AM during my first week as an intern.

Nobody knew he was my dad. I'd changed my last name after the divorce, and he didn't recognize

me through the trauma. Massive heart attack. I did compressions for forty minutes while my attending

kept saying call it. But I couldn't stop. My hands were shaking. The nurses were

staring. Finally, the attending pulled me off and I had to sign the death

certificate. My supervisor found me in the supply closet an hour later and I told her everything.

She said I should've disclosed the relationship immediately, that I compromised the code,

that other doctors could've saved him. Now I'm under review and I keep asking myself,