Weaponized Urination

I’m half-comatose in the recliner, Wicked Tuna humming in the background, thumb lazily scrolling

reels like a zombie. Then BEEP BEEP BEEP! The oven starts

screaming like it’s possessed. I bolt upright and there it is:

the cat, locked in a power stance, pissing directly on the control panel.

Not just peeing weaponized urination. The oven’s flipping between 500° and “ HELL MODE,” lights

strobing like a rave. I dive in to stop the madness,

but it’s too late. Sparks fly. The backside erupts in flames.

Smoke billows. I’m wrestling with the oven like it owes me money.