Rent-Free in My Nervous System

I saw her name light up my phone and my stomach did that thing again, like my body remembered

something my brain was trying to forget, and I stared at the screen way too long because opening

it meant accepting that I still cared, and not opening it meant proving I was lying to myself.

We don’t talk anymore, but we never said goodbye either, which is worse, because now every

song feels like it’s about us even when it’s not, and every “you up?” text I don’t send

just stacks up in my notes app like evidence in a trial where I’m both the victim and the problem.

She said I changed, but really I just stopped explaining myself, and maybe that’s

the same thing, I don’t know. I scroll past couples online pretending they’re happy and